Nahida Exiled

 

 

(Palestine)

 

 

 

Pain, an Integral Part of Palestinian Life

 

A Prayer of Despair

 

* * *

If my anguish would turn into tears, oceans would overflow

If my sorrow would burn like fire, supernovas would roar and blow

Wish I could turn the clock back, delete every word I know

Wish I could erase my mind of every image I ever saw

* * *

 

 

* * *

“Ah! would that I had died before this!

Would that I had been a thing forgotten, out of sight!”

(Qur’an, Mariam 19:23)

“يَـٰلَيۡتَنِى مِتُّ قَبۡلَ هَـٰذَا وَڪُنتُ نَسۡيً۬ا مَّنسِيًّ۬ا”

* * *

 

 

* * *

This is not a complaint, but a mere description of my pain

A hollow shell without You, a heap of nothingness

Scattered by wind, eroded by rain

* * *

 

 

* * *

I saw evil, I know it exists, I hold it in disdain

Let it not touch me, let it not near me

Let it not spoil my heart, let it not soil my soul

Solemnly I refrain

Thy refuge I seek, Thy guidance I follow, faithful I remain

* * *

 

 

* * *

Curious, no doubt, how could I not be?

Wanted to know EVERYTHING !

Forgot the wisdom, “be careful of what you ask for”

A footstep to Your Splendour, I asked to be

Commonsense! A footstep would be crushed under!

Hopefully not in vain

 

Empty me of me

Fill me of Your Love, fill me of Your Mercy

Sanity I regain

* * *

 

 

* * *

Curious, no doubt, how could I not be?

All I wanted to know is, what could be behind the edge of Universe!

 

And what is this fabulous life, all about?

 

That’s all !

* * *

 

 

* * *

Wherever I turn, whatever I do

I saw Your Splendour and awesome wonder, all around

 

Swept off my feet, blown away, besotted I sway, I meander

I fell in love with Your creation, before I was born

Flying between galaxies, bouncing over starts

Sliding over rainbows, dancing with sunshine

Weaving my curly hair with rays of moonlight

Clusters of daisies and a wreath of jasmine for my weary heart

* * *

 

 

* * *

Who would grieve when You are the Comforter?

Who would know fear, with Your Consolation?

Who would suffer pain, when You are the Healer?

Who would despair, when You are the Guide

* * *

 

 

* * *
O soul calm down, come and heed the call

 

Kneel down and pray, God is the Greatest, God is Sublime

 

That spark within you, what you’ve been yearning for

 

WOW !

O Balm of Mercy!

 

O Pure Holy Light !

I find my bearings, radiant again my face

Dazzled in amazement, grateful is my heart

Sparkle in my eyes, tranquil is my soul

Dreaming of tomorrow, peaceful, full of joy

* * *

 

 

Love, an Integral Part of Palestinian Struggle

A Matter of Love

 

Your writing is unhinged

Just be careful

Those people can seriously harm you

Aren’t you afraid?

Why do you throw yourself in harm’s way?

Tell me why?

* *

It is not a matter of courage

It is a matter of love

 

 

A love so great that every sacrifice worthwhile

All pain bearable

 

 

Love of Truth, Justice, Peace and Humanity

Love of gentleness and kindness, compassion and beauty

 

 

Love of babies when they’re born

As they take their first step

As they make their first smile

Then from then on, every step of the way

 

Love of children when they laugh

As they dream of hugging the world

As they giggle when they play

Flattering their wings as they fly

 

 

Love of earth running amok

Day and night chasing one another

Hoping to meet by the horizon

Out of breath kissing the sky

 

 

Love of oceans as they pound

Racing to sleep on seashore’s lap

Love of mountains as they rise

Love of rivers as the flow

 

Love of blossoming almond trees

Bridal dress in a magic show

Love of olive trees silver and green

Brushed with wand of a fairy queen

 

Love of daisies holding hands

and of poppies as they dance

Love of wheat meadows as they sway

Rustic gold in cool summer day

 

Love of colours, all shades and hues

Twirling dervish, rainbow in prayer

Love of stars and galaxies, big and small

Shimmering deep within my soul

 

Love of fathers as they gaze

At their little ones dazed with elation

and of mothers as they nurse,

Teeming with love and adoration

 

 

Love of life… ALL life

I don’t want to see it harmed

Let alone destroyed

 

Love of love without which life would literally cease to be

Love of love as it ushers chaos into sublime harmony

 

Love of love as it explodes, 

a million stars

When I look into my beloved’s eyes

 

I don’t want to see all that go

Do you?

Now, can you see why?

 

Hope and Dreams, an Integral Part of Human Life

Once upon a dream

 

Whenever I finish writing an article or a poem, I think to myself, that’s it now, I have said all what I needed to say;

I have poked into wasps nests, divulged forbidden topics and delved into taboos, few are willing to touch.

I have also expressed the very innermost deepest sentiments and thoughts of my being, I am done now.

 I am ready to depart. Nothing left to say or to write about.

Lo and behold,

Before I know it

I fall upon a crime

An image of life pulverised

A frozen tear of a beloved child

Stabs my heart

Coils my guts in crazy knots

Rips my soul

Like a dagger piercing into my existence

Like a volcano erupting in my conscience

Like a burning bullet whizzing through my mind

My limbs tremble in agony

My hearts pounds like thunder

I weep of pain

I scream of rage and anger

A poem is born

Other times,

Wondering in my world

I fall upon a dream

A vision tickles my heart

Melt it away, like butter on a hot tray

Like a baby’s hand

Wrapped around my finger

Like a blanket of stars

Embracing my estrangement

Caressing my wounds

Swaying my soul in an ocean of love

Whispering a lullaby of heaven in my ear

I twirl in dazzlement

Wallow in delight

My heart pounds like thunder

My eyes moisten of joy

My limbs tremble in ecstasy and bewilderment

A poem is born

 

Get to know me

Physically:

Normal looking

Sub-normally looked at

Abnormally dealt with

Joyfully sad eyes

Head inflamed with grey hair

Petite for my age

Giant with my pain

I would say

A beautiful beast

Or an ugly butterfly

 

Emotionally:

Extremely sensitive

Yet incredibly thick-skinned

I feel so much for all others

While some-others deny my own existence

Spectrum of two extremes of intense emotions

Fluctuating between

Unwavering hope and utter despair

I would say

A strong wimp

Or a spineless hero

 

Intellectually:

Above average

Below-humanly perceived

Viewed as a mentally suppressed creature

Trying to solve the world’s problems

While failing to figure out my own

Sharp with a great deal of naivety

Simple with much complexity

I would say

A stupid genius

Or a gifted fool

 

Spiritually:

Faith is my lone reason for being

My fountain of hope

Overflowing with love, and joy

Yet for some I am the source of evil

And manifestation terror

Sporadically vibrating with the yoyo of my deeds

Between intimate nearness and lonesome isolation

I would say

A mild extremist

A hostile angel

A tender terrorist

And a mischievous child

Wouldn’t you agree?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

____________________________________________

 

BIO

 

Born in Al-Quds (Jerusalem), I am a Palestinian refugee living in exile for over 50 years. I was forced to leave my homeland, Palestine at the age of seven during the six-day war.

I am passionate about my career as a mother and a grandmother, but my academic qualification is in Mathematics.

 

 Painting, drawing, arts and crafts are some of my favourite pastimes, I love hand-made things, dolls, cards, embroidery and most of my own clothes.

 

It was by sheer coincidence that I started writing in 2002, when my friends insisted I should write about my memories, experiences, and my feelings as a Palestinian.

 

Because communication is the first step of understanding, and because I believe in building bridges not walls -but my shy and rather sensitive nature hinders me from public speaking, I try to compensate for 

My shortcomings by writing and participating in dialogues.

 

As the saying goes, poetry is the language of the soul, it has become my way of communicating soul to soul with the world. 

 

I have two books: I Believe in Miracles » and Palestine, The True Story

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