The Buddhist measures
the cat with a measuring
tape as she lies in my lap,
a last embrace not curled up
like the metaphor in the
maiden’s lap by a fire but
cold in the dark in the
middle of the night in the
middle of my life, stiff
stretched out as if reaching
for God just before he came
to take her leaving only
this body, small and dark
and not my cat at all too big
for the hole that is too small
for her. The Buddhist
THINGS TO SAY AT A PARTY WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THERE
I love these little mushroom thingies.
I slept with the host after he was married.
I like long walks on the beach at night.
I’ve always found low IQ’s very attractive.
When I was five the baby sitter made me massage his penis.
I can only stay a minute.
White wine gives me a headache.
I’ve never killed a man.
Do you come here often?
I slept with the hostess before she was married.
I fully support our police department.
I wish foot binding would come back in style.
Have you heard the one about the dead poet?
I have herpes but it’s not that bad.
I have a headache but it’s not that bad.
I wish they’d bring out more of those little mushroom thingies.
I really have to be going.
THINGS TO DO AFTER I’M DEAD
Go to Paris
as I should not longer be afraid to fly
Haunt ex-boyfriends who are still living,
it’s not like I really forgave any of them
Sit in on classes at Smith College
and never turn in the homework
Find Dorothy Parker
and ask her why a bright poet like herself had dogs instead of cats
and have him explain his poetry to me once and for all
and tell her that her death saved my life
Move to the country
maybe a nice farmhouse or bell tower
Stop worrying about
…well, just stop worrying at all
Stop wearing a bra
Find a pretty white gown
something gothic, but not too cliché
Take comfort in the fact
that I will never reconcile with my mother
Accept that losing weight is now a moot point
Visit my grave once a year so I never forget who I am
Carlye Archibeque is the director of publicity and special events at Beyond Baroque Literary Arts Center in Venice, California, a poet, and a journalist. A Los Angeles native, she writes poetry in the confessional vein. She is currently working on a series of autobiographical prose poems for a new book due out on Punk Hostage Press scheduled in 2014. In her time on Earth she’s held many jobs that provided inspiration for a career in writing: weapons and tactics trainer for the Navy Seabees, Bob’s Big Boy waitress, fry cook, postal carrier and visual effects coordinator for Spider-Man 2, to name a few. Her poetry has been anthologized widely with work appearing in: Spillway, Beyond the Valley of the Contemporary Poets, So Luminous the Wildflowers, Social Anarchism, and News Clips and Ego Trips. Her interview with graphic artist Dan Clowes was reprinted in both the English and French volumes of Dan Clowes: Conversations. She is the author of three chapbooks: Why I Shop (Nightgaunt Press); Dry Goods (Laguna Poets Series); and Live at the Cobalt (Cassowary Press). She is two units shy of a BA degree in Sociology from the University of California at Los Angeles and will get to it when she has time.